technologically dependent

apart from the rather recent trauma that struck me on the day i didn’t bring my hp to school, i’ve been having a weird, recurring dream about technology turning into a malicious, evil monster.

and it scares me.

When it comes to my social life, i think i’m pretty independent. i make friends easily, i’m not an awkward conversationalist, and i don’t shrink into an invisible ghost when people don’t talk to me.

i’m confident on my own.

but i am technologically dependent. i facebook, i twitter, i email, i sms more than my monthly hp plan allows me.

in that insane nightmare that i had, someone malicious hacked into every social networking tech device/website i had ownership of, and created malicious rumours etc about me. gah it was AWFUL. given how i had been refused access from my very own networking devices/websites, i was unable to dismiss these rumours myself, and millions of people were pointing their fingers, talking, talking, talking. sneering behind my back. i had no where to turn, no possible means of reaching back to those masses to assert my innocence.

so for awhile i got freaked, i started changing passwords left right center (only to my own demerit coz now they are soo complicated to remember and i need a minute each type i type them in) and i even contemplated going on a partial tech hiatus for a while.

That was when i realised. Hey, even if that does happen, i have nothing to fear. Because i have friends who get me, believe in me – even with all the bullshit i tell them sometimes haha. I have an awesome boyfriend who isn’t afraid to stand up for me, has faith and trust in me.

and i have a faith that gives me peace when times are troubled.

so really, what do i have to fear?

maybe my relationships with acquaintances may be compromised, maybe my job prospects will be compromised, maybe people who knew me once will talk.

but right where it really matters, i fear not.

so dear nightmare. please leave me. certainly i feel all that anxiety and flashes of fear when my subconscious resurrects you in my dreams. but even if you hit me in real life, i know i can punch you right back in the face. besides, now that i’ve got tons of antivirus installed, i think it’ll be difficult getting into my com (:

and oh, i’m smashing this laptop when i buy a new one. no way is this harddrive with all my secrets getting a new lease of life in someone else’s recycled computer. muahahhaha.

on possibly evolving to become a hermit

i have forgotten how to study.

study – the act of focussing solely on given text(s) & working on it to gain complete understanding, memorization of important facts/details, and pondering upon it’s possible implications etc.

presently, i am stuck at the “just about to” stage:

1. my table is neat
2. notes are arranged accordingly in order
3. stationary etc are standing by, ready for their next mission
4. chair is nice & comfy
5. snacks & water are at hand

yet i just stare at it all and sigh and lie on my bed thinking about everything else but studying.

i need to enter into hermitage, where no facebook notification can reach me, no farmville crops will bloom, no weird grunting sounds that masquerade as laughter from my dad to distract me… and ironically, no wordpress either for me to needlessly contemplate my procrastination any further.

…

on a side note, today simeon & i <– RITCHELL, SEE. went to the Singapore Airshow 2010 (: it was blazing hot and i felt close to melting into a puddle of goo. just like that show i used to watch when i was a teen – The Secret World of Alex Mack <– seriously WHY do i remember such irrelevant things lol.

in any case, it was great going with simeon, coz he could really explain stuff and impress upon me how difficult some “easy” looking flight maneuvers were. i witnessed the A10Thunderbolt in flight (it’s a new bomber plane that can destroy tanks. or as simeon puts it, vapourize them), and saw the planes that simeon has flown before up close! the CT-4E (which he flew while in SYFC) and the PC-21 (which he flew while in pearce, australia.)

we left pretty early though, around 12.30pm, and had lunch at Hosoi Teppanyaki House, which is located in Suntec. it was an enjoyable meal, and i loved it that the place was quiet & the service staff provided great service, especially the chef (:

after walking for abit & purchasing some stuff for my guitar, we headed home & i conked out til i was awakened by the loud grunting laughter of my dad. i really have no idea how he laughs like that. i hope that if i ever have sons, that will be the one thing they will not inherit from my side of the family. omg! what if i’m 60 and i laugh like him! gah!!

(yes procrastinating now so i dun have to study.. yet.) lol.

i totally suck at studying la. sighs. time to hit the books!

L4D2

i think that the catharsis gained from L4D2 can be matched by no other.

wishlist

i’m bored and i need to make a list of what i can spend on for the coming months so i won’t irresponsibly fritter my money away, so here’s my wishlist (:

1. a backpack
i want something cute, but not overly so. when i say cute i mean the design isn’t that of the rugged hiking backpack kinda thing, urrggh. i want something that looks slightly fashionable so i can wear it with pretty stuff. yay (: besides, i think my right shoulder has been overly stressed of late, and i possess some paranoia about me eventually turning into a lopsided person. so it’s time to share the burden equally on both shoulders.

i would looovee a design like this

sadly this costs $80 USD, excluding shipping ):

but i love how it’s structured and small but not too small. it doesn’t have to be A4 size but definitely needs to fit my daily essentials – handphone, mp3, books (at least 3/4), organizer, pencilbox etc.

i think the Louis Vuitton 2010 spring/summer collection has a v pretty backpack too!

i definitely want something in a plain muted/dark colour (: but this is waay beyond my budget. nice to oogle though! hahaha.

i quite like the vintage feel of this bag

but i’m not too sure if i’m a fan of the narrow shape.. plus the colour is too camel?! for my taste lol. i don’t know any other word to describe it. a darker brown would be nicer hmm… leather looks like a nice option haha. but then again, this is 48 pounds, excluding shipping

now this is chioo to the max. but i highly doubt i’ll find anything like this in singapore anywhere near my budget. sads.

AHHH i really really like this one too!!

gosh it’s 72 pounds i need to be rich. lol.

right. enough about comfy wonderful backpacks. moving on.

2. pencilbox

truly, i really need a new pencilbox out of necessity. the one i presently have is wonderfully roomy, and accomodates all my colour pens + markers + random other things v well, but it’s got stains and random marks all over it. so yeah, time for a new one. a pencilbox that makes me feel happy when i open it! or close it! –> if it’s something that doesn’t inspire me, then what for?

so i went to polyvore.com to search for pencilcases. sooo much better than google. when i was googling backpacks, it gave me horrendously shitty results yucks.

okay not all these are pencilcases, but they’re my inspiration in my hunt for one. unlike my preferences for my backpack, my ideal pencilcase is colourful! pretty pinks and purples! a pencilcase with fixed shape is would be great, but i don’t mind a floppy pencilcase either. i realised too, that i go for rectangular shapes and shun the round cyclindrical ones. those are just wrong. hahaha

3. cardigan

i want something plain.. i think what bothers me about most cardigans is the cut. usually girl’s cardigans are at some weird mid waist level or waaay too long. rawr.but then again given my obsession with cute workish jackets, i’m not sure i’ll need more outerwear.

Okay! i am exhausted. this entry took 2 hours LOL. what a massive waste of time haha. can’t wait for tuition pay + CNY $$ so i can buy these necessities (truly i justify them as such) asap! (:

spontaneity

today simeon & i met up for a spontaneous dinner! yay!! as simeon rightly observed, the only time we two have spent together lately has always been in the company of friends… so we haven’t had time to ourselves of late.

since we were both craving japanese, off we went to kovan (which is freakishly near both our houses) to eat sakae sushi! based on past experiences, sakae sushi’s food has never been really good… so usually we tend to go to ichiban sushi instead. but since sakae sushi was near our homes and likely to be less crowded, we headed there, tummies hungry and craving for some jap foood.

heehee i sneaked a quick pic when the traffic lights were red. i believe in safe driving okay! so we only took one picture. XD

much to our surprise and pleasure, the sushi at sakae sushi had improved! note though that both of us are by no means sushi connoisseurs, but we can definitely differentiate yummy food from garbage. hahaha. kindly also note that neither of us eat the raw stuff (it’s freaky.) so no judgements on the freshness of the sashimi here XP!

on hindsight i should’ve taken pics of the food but er we were too famished and i was too excited that i was breaking my family-imposed diet of steamed fish, porridge and other soft foods (think brinjal and tofu and mashed whatever) that i had to endure for the last two days, the sushi was gobbled up super duper fast. heehee.

*sigh* felt so wonderful to just hold simeon’s hand and stroll through the totally boring kovan mall. we saw things we’ve seen a hundred thousand times, and reminisced over random things and i ended up oogling at pretty things in popular & bought some unnecessary but… happiness-inducing things there (: as always. haha. the way i spend my money is horrendous but so, so satisfying.

speaking of spending money, i finally wore my aldo hairband today! i saw the HUGEE SALE sign at aldo and went in to gaze at everything and finally bought this hairband which…wait for it… was not on sale. how bodoh am i. *smacks head* it was so pretty though! & i don’t have a silver hairband yet X) so that justifies my shopping heeheehee.

ah i dunno why the pic so blur. i suck at being a camwhore hahaha.

in any case, i re-trimmed my fringe again but i realised i can’t really do it properly myself. i DO like my dollish-bangs look though! suits my face i think. then again, i might change it soon.. it’s quite a pain to maintain coz every month or so my fringe starts poking into my eyes. eek! i shall get a professional to do it sooon!

sleeping early

sleeping early felt weird last night. somehow my brain kept drifting, thinking and thinking as it was wont to do on many a late night.

having put on one of either chell/carol’s facemasks on, it was wonderfully cool, given that my body felt kinda hot. lucky me, i woke up this morning with no traces of fever of any sort (:

my throat however hurts q badly. everytime i swallow or talk it hurts. right now i’m craving hot tau huay…

yums.

note to self

a hectic day + too much singing on band hero + staying up past 2am =

bones aching, slight fever & bare remnants of a voice.

sleeping at 1030pm tonight. my first early night since the beginning of 2010.

tumblr.

i’m very much into surfing tumblr sites right now. i love how each entry is just a quote or a picture that lets it speak for itself. without unnecessary words to taint & colour its meaning.

then again tumblr also strikes me as somewhat detached despite the collectivity it inspires. so i’ll stick to this blog anyways

today seems super exciting! i can’t wait. ede’s coming over to give me & my dad a guitar lesson, after which the entire e-lites (english literature majors) are coming over to my place for rock band + band hero whoo!

i think my favourite computer/xbox games are those that require teamwork. coz then you get to experience shared moments of laughter, death (L4D lol) and joy. desperate perserverance too, if you’re about to “fail” a song or you’re nearing the safehouse but all the friggin zombies are just standing there clawing away. *spang spang!* frying pan to the rescue. hahahaha.

i love it that my life is so happening (: yays

& here are some wonderful quotes/pics from tumblr

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.

- Jack Kerouac

to-do list

1. organise notes for all modules
2. catch up on readings
3. tidy up room
4. wrap books

for quite some time i’ve been looking for some sort of holder that can hold the zillions of hairbands that i have. does anyone know where to get one?

i googled “hairband holders” and everyone recommends using an oatmeal tub. hmm. i shall go oatmeal tub hunting soon. maybe tmrw if i have the time. lalalaa!

love.

everytime simeon & i have the slightest misunderstanding, it feels me with unease. particularly if it stretches > 1 hour, or worse, an entire day. both of us are quite the type who flare up quick (perhaps him more so than me, but when i PMS i think i’m on par … or worse heh) but when logic & reason sets in, neither of us hesitate to apologise.

& i love it that way.

truth be told i used to think that meeting one’s soulmate would be all rainbows & unicorns & pink hearts fluttering all over – but on hindsight, i’d rather not have a relationship like that… it would be too, creepily perfect. and bland after awhile.

having, and being in a relationship is loving someone for who they are. learning every little thing about him/her… appreciating companiable silence, sudden bursts of spontaneity, embarking on random adventures together. hating their flaws, but tolerating, feeling the joy when that special someone makes an effort to make those flaws go away.

without each other, we wouldn’t have turned into the people we are today. i wouldn’t be as kind, as considerate, as willing to go to the gym (lol)… needless to say i like how i’ve changed, & i love it that through it all my wonderful darling stuck with me (:

in a (almost exactly) 2 months from now it’ll be our 4 year anniversary. what a long way we’ve come since our jc days. & i’m glad that what i see ahead, isn’t some boring path of mundane routine. it’s something i’m always looking forward to, for you & me (:

♥ ♥ ♥